Can we ever "Go Home"?

Issues surrounding mental health and suicidal ideation are inescapable realities in our modern world. In America alone, around 45,000 people die each year by suicide.[1] The understanding of the psychology related to suicide is constantly evolving, but it remains undeniable that misconceptions concerning suicidal ideation abound in our society. Unfortunately, this is especially true within the modern Church. Christians remain divided on the issue of mental health, with many still believing that shame, guilt, and the promise of damnation will be enough to “cure” someone of their mental illness.

I believe that the Church can learn a more fruitful response to suicidal ideation by placing the art of the world around it in dialogue with Christology. This can be seen through the ideas that emerge by listening to Julien Baker’s song “Go Home” and reading Karl Barth’s chapter “Jesus Christ”. Together, these two works could model a response to suicidal ideation which is empathetic, firmly rooted in the reality of Christ’s relationship with humanity, and cognizant of Christ’s eternal presence as a safe retreat.

Art, whether it is birthed within the church or not, can help Christians see things from a new perspective. In her 2015 song “Go Home”, off the album Sprained Ankle, Julien Baker illustrates this by singing about the conflict between the despair which haunts her and the relationships that serve as her salvation. She closes the second verse of the song with the lyrics, “Cause I know you’re still worried I’m gonna get scared, Cause I’m alone again and I don’t like the things I see.”[2] Through these intensely vulnerable lyrics, listeners learn that the suicidal mind is not a simple place, as the desire to be saved and the guilt of being a burden can, and do, exist simultaneously. By showing listeners how this internal conflict clouds her thoughts even further, she teaches an important lesson in combating suicidal ideation: easy fixes and trite maxims often fail to ease the burden on a suicidal mind. Julien Baker shows through her art that empathy and relationship are the first ingredients necessary for someone suffering from depression to begin to feel relief.

Given this need for empathetic relationship, Barth’s Christology becomes vitally important. In the chapter “Jesus Christ”, from his book Doctrine in Outline, Barth firmly roots Jesus as the central figure for the Christian faith, stating that, “Everything that deserves to be called knowledge in the Christian sense lives from the knowledge of Jesus Christ.”[3] He continues showing the central importance of Jesus by highlighting that everything we know about the Father and everything we can accomplish through the Spirit is understood because of our relationship with the Son. Finally, Barth makes it clear that this knowledge is only available because Jesus entered into human history and time, personally relating to us as the embodiment of God’s Word. Therefore, not only is awareness of Jesus necessary for a Christian to move in the salvific power of the Spirit, the loneliness of suicidal ideation can be relieved by the reality that Jesus Christ entered into history and suffered with humanity and for humanity.

With this Christo-centric model established, further exploration of Baker’s song becomes even more informative. The “home” she references in the song’s title could be a physical location that is safe and cleared of sharp objects or substances. She could also be admitting defeat to the burdens in her life and expressing a desire to “go home” through suicide. Baker expands audience’s imaginations, however, by ending her song with a piano arrangement of the hymn “In Christ Alone”, which fades out as the voice of a preacher can be heard in the background, declaring about Jesus, “This man is God!”

Ultimately, it falls to listeners to determine the nature of the “home” Baker sings about. I believe, however, that the inclusion of the hymn is a hint that she wants her audience to be attuned to something deeper. With her music she allows listeners to consider a “home” found through relationship with Jesus. Here again, Barth and Baker agree, with Barth describing Jesus as a safe retreat:

“From God’s side action has already been taken for our good. To pronounce the name of Jesus Christ means to acknowledge that we are cared for, that we are not lost. Jesus Christ is man’s salvation in all circumstances and in the face of all that darkens his life, including the evil that proceeds from himself.”[4]

In other words, Barth is saying that Jesus Christ is eternally and constantly “home”. Whenever we confess the name of Jesus, we are picked up from the “edge of the highway”[5] and welcomed back home with open arms, our loneliness and shame rendered null by his sacrificial love. From a Christian perspective, any attempt to relate to someone who suffers from suicidal ideation must include this truth: Jesus Christ is our “home” and God’s children will be welcomed there for all of eternity.[6]

What of the Bible’s Wisdom Literature though? Is there evidence there that points to a home found within the Godhead and the future revelation of the Word in Christ Jesus? Psalm 84 provides our answer (it also provides the inspiration for this classic banger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLxqHjctAN4), speaking specifically about the comfortable home found in God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
    Lord Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
    they are ever praising you.

This verse has been a help for me through my own struggles with depression, letting me find comfort in my true home when this Earthly home has seemed to be crumbling. For a Christian, the revelation of Jesus and theologians like Barth allow us to read this Psalm with even greater confidence, for we know now that the Son of God entered into our lives and gave us even greater access to the dwelling place of God. Through Jesus we know that the “place near your altar” is not some far away after life or place in the clouds, it is here and now. In her uniquely beautiful way, Julien Baker reminds me of this every time I listen to her music, especially “Go Home”. Finding a place to call home is not impossible and it is not too much to say “I want to go home” in the midst of darkness. There is a home available to us. We have known this since the writing of the Psalms and we are reminded of it today because of wonderful artists like Julien Baker.

My prayer for you: May the Holy Spirit, author of all truth and creation, find your eyes and hearts open today as you take in the world around you. May the songs you hear and words you read remind you of the home we have in the Son and the welcoming arms of the Father. You are not alone and you are not without a home. May you find the peace and comfort of a home today. Amen.

[1] “Suicide Statistics”, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 2016, https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

[2] Julien Baker, “Go Home”, 2015

[3] Karl Barth, Doctrine in Outline, (Harpers & Row, 1959), 67.

[4] Barth, Doctrine, 71

[5] Julien Baker, “Go Home”

[6] I very much want to affirm the importance and necessity of counseling and psychotherapy in mental health management. I believe that those are natural occurrences following the initial intercession of an empathetic relationship rooted in Christ.